Parallel Universe: If I had been lesbian

Walking along the way of life, each time we have to make a decision it is like standing at a crossroad that can change your future. A few times in my life I have been close to disaster - if I had taken a different way at a prior crossroads I might have been dead - or avoided the situation alltogether. I could have taken the road to become a famous cook. Or ended up a teenage-mother. Or living in Greece. Or a drug addict.
I like to think how my life would have turned out if I had gone a different road. One of my other lifes that I am rather curious about is what it would have been like to if I had been a lesbian.
For some reason quite a few women with whom I talked about the state of Sappho agreed with me that it must be a better world - an easier to bear fate, a friendly place without decades spent sitting next to the telephone in case HE calls. Without worrying about the ample bosom of the bar maid and your dates badly hidden glances down her cleavage. Without scratching beards, hairy buttocks and your favourite yoghurt gone from the fridge. Without having to worry about one-night-stands resulting in pregnancies, without the condom-turn-off and most of all without having to put up with the immense backdrop of living with someone who is handicapped with the y-gene.
I guess lesbians must have their own range of relationship problems and probably get just as sick of them as non-lesbians get of the typical guy-sickness. Do they spend their money for lingerie, women magazines and tights just like the average unfortunate heterosexual-oriented, guy-stuck woman?
I have been an early admirer of the lesbian band "Two nice Girls" (picture), maybe it was the lyrics from "I spent the last 10 $ on birth control and beer" that raised this kind of mild jealousy for lesbian life inside me:

"When I was a young girl like normal girls do
I looked to a woman's love to help get me through
I never needed any more than a feminine touch
I hated the thought of kissing a man it really was too much

I did not drink, I did not smoke I did not say "goddamn"
I was polite I was sensitive before I loved a man
My family, they were proud of me were proud of what I am
But then along came Lester and my tale of woe began

(Chorus)
I spent my last ten dollars on birth control and beer
My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me spend my last ten bucks on birth control and beer

It was June 1983 when Mary Lou and I did part
She said she loved another dyke my god, it broke my heart
I was bitter and disillusioned to lose another girlfriend
Lester came to work at Papa's store and decided to ease on in

Before my last heartbreak nothing made me more sick
Than a hairy-chested, cheap double-breasted suited man with a hard dick
I guess that I was curious I guess that I was young
I guess it was that rum and coke I guess that I was dumb [...]



Yeah, I AM envious of my own life as a lesbian it sounds care-free, tidy and satisfying. Of course there are recompensations for living with a man.
Like motherhood (which has it good and bad sides, but let's just think of the good sides for now)
Like when you get to take off the suit.
And like when you need someone to open the jam glass or other moments when brute force comes in handy about three times per year.
And I'm sure if I think about this for a few more hours I will probably come up with something else.
I don't really blame the men. Much. It is me who is stupid enough to fall for the pheromone trap. Repeatedly.