The Ladybird Incident

Last Night was one of these nights. If you are a mother you know what I mean. If you know a mother you have heard of what I mean.
It must have been around 3 am this morning. I and little Lucy (our youngest) we were soundly sleeping. We are both upstairs. The twins share a room in the basement. So at that time I woke up hearing my son Mark crying. Just a few seconds later he came running upstairs, burst into my bedroom sobbing and screaming "Mama, Mama! I have a ladybird up my nose".
What a scenario to wake up to in the middle of the night! (and after going to bed much too late ...)
I got up, checked the nostrils (without trace of any ladybirds, but one nostril was slightly bleeding) the room and the much calmer sister and tried to work out what must have happened.
So this is the most likely story:
They must have woken up, got up and started to play quietly so as not to wake me up (how considerate). But currently the cold season is starting for real in Germany and just the last week we found several ladybirds indoors, who thought the climate in our living room more hospitable than the cold outside. So apparently the children were playing and found a ladybird in their room. However it came to that - apparently Mark wanted to pick it up and the ladybird flew and flew directly into his nostril. Mark believes that the ladybird thought his nose was a ladybird cave and that it had intentions to settle down there. In his panic he started picking his nose so much that not only the ladybird came out but he also got a nosebleed. We found the ladybird on the carpet - it was unharmed, but looked a bit dazed.
It's the stuff that legends are made out of.

So behold Mark - proud owner of an inbuilt ladybird cave - currently uninhabitated.

Parallel Universe: If I had become a nun

When I was in 8th grade in school my class made a trip to the island of Helgoland in the North Sea. The day we went there it was very stormy, we went by boat and I am one of these bad travellers - especially not compatible with boats and other rocking transport devices. Already on the trip there I (and half the other passengers too) was hanging over the railing having a close second look at my breakfast from hours earlier. I was miserable. The waves were high. The boat was going not forward, but upwards and downwards. I was sure, that my life was about to end any moment now. So little 14 year old me made a deal with the maker: if I would survive the trip, I would enter a cloister and devote my life to good deeds.

As you can read, I lived to tell the tale. And no: I never became a nun. I don't think the maker regrets that I don't hold my side of the bargain - it's not like he made a big loss of me. Or rather I guess the effects of me joining a nunnery could have served the church a fatal blow.

Thinking back to that day, I can't help rolling my eyes about my own blue-eyed-ness. Not only to make such promises without knowing if I would survive (employees onboard the ship did not look bothered at all, so in retrospective I think that we weren't really in danger of visiting sunken Atlantis), but also the pure thought to dedicate my life to a thing at which I ... well ... suck. I have great respect to all people that are religious and to all people that are that devoted to their ethics that they live an altruistic life to help others. But I am not cut out for that, I am sure. I like to slumber and indulge myself in reading romances, mysteries, mangas and all kinds of trivial stuff. There were moments when I have felt moved at church but mostly I am not convinced of the existence of god. It's more like I hope there is someone watching and adding sense to life, but deep down I also fear there isn't.

But - back on track. Let's say I would have held the thoughtless promise I made when I was 14. Maybe finished school and then entered a convent. Whoever thinks of this must guess that this was the shortest of blogs if I restricted my writing to just this imagination. Because I can't imagine myself as a nun. Maybe a RP nun in a big black outfit, a flashy svarovsky cross over the chest, pointed high heels hinting at secrets hidden under the robe - it's not my first choice RP, but I find it easier to imagine than the real thing. The real nun-me in that particular parallel universe would obviously be unmarried and childless, probably reading a lot. I imagine historical novels should hopefully be okay. But apart from this my mind is a complete blank in this.

I guess that I did not become a nun, was for the better - for everybody involved. And even if I sometimes feel bad for the un-kept promise, I do not really regret that this particular parallel universe is very, very far removed from reality.

Eternal Life

I don't know how old I was, when I learned, that we all - including myself - have to die one day. But I do remember, that I did not really believe it. Or want to believe it. I have always had a fear of death. And I am still not exactly looking forward to my last day, but I have realised that the alternative is not necessarily a good thing either.
Eternal life. Sounds good at first glance. Maybe. Maybe if you are a vampire, if you don't age, if you have something that will keep you hooked eternally ... wait ... what would that be? No hobby, I think. Imagine being an immortal tennis player. Even if you have eternal youth to boot, I am sure the decline of your interest and a massive tennis arm are premeditated. Imagine you have been pursuing chess for over 350 years. You know every charade by heart, few surprises left and you must be feeling heartily sick of black and white.
One of my friends grandfathers has reached a very high age of - I don't know 108 or so (still ongoing as far as I know). I hear he is not really overjoyed by his longevity. And if you think about - why would he be? Imagine something like this: The last of your pals died over 20 years ago and you have to witness the death of all of your five children (who says just because you age to over 100, your children do as well?) . Your bones ache (no eternal youth here!), no one takes you serious, you don't understand half a thing when you open the newspaper, watch TV or try to follow the conversions of the currently active generations (politicians come and go and wtf is a computer?). It would not be your world anymore. I think I would feel out of place, underappreciated, lost and deserted. And most of all I would miss the people I love.

Here I have a picture for you showing Minegawa Yone who passed away August 2007 at the age of 114. She still seemed quite fit for her age. But how many elderly people aren't and are plagued by pains here or there, by incontentinence, dementia and young relatives who only come to visit because they hope to get a decent share out of the inheritence in your hopefully-not-to-far-away future? Does that sound like fun? Not to me.
Maybe I could put up with some of the disadvantages. Maybe I would be lucky and stay healthy with only minor complaints, maybe I could manage to stay mentally sound and fit and keep up with technology, but if I imagine that I might have to see my children die before me, I really know that eternal life is not for me - unless I can share it with my family and friends.

Stressed Out

October is a month that I mark red in the calender. Already in spring I feel its gloomy shadow looming in the foreseeable future. The reason is: in October I have to survive my twins' birthday. This year I barely managed to restrict the number of invited children to 20, so including my own three brats, I will be Snowwhite to a villainous gang of 23 dwarfs. Last year we were only 16 if I remember right and I barely lived through the event. It was especially difficult as we were celebrating the party at home and had children with very different tastes. Some did not want to come out to play outdoors in the garden. Some did not want to go back inside. Some did not want any cake. And two children were temporarily lost and were later found upstairs in my bed playing ghosts. This year - in the probably vain hope of not losing the overview - I have arranged for a birthday party at an indoors playground and activity center. The big day is now closing in: it's already next tuesday, so in just another 4 days.

This is of course one of the reasons why you haven't really read any new posts here lately. Other reasons include my intensive back-on-horseback-riding-classes and me being overdue with work for a deadline of the magazine for which I write.
But while nothing has been posted here, I have several blogs already under construction. So for sometime late next week you can look forward to blogs about an absolutely drool-worthy yaoi anime-series, sex for sale, living forever and horses and riding. I also have two more installments for my "parallel universe"-series under construction - one about my life in medieval times and one about my life in a nunnery.

Parallel Universe: If the world was my dream

Since I have become a manga addict, I also am trying out a few animes as side dishes. The most recent one I have watched was "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya". On her first day at high school the excentric Haruhi states that she has no interest in ordinary humans (I feel with her!), but if there were any aliens, time travelers, espers or the like present, they should please come forward and meet her. The boy sitting right in front of her, Kyon, is swept away (or rather kidnapped) into her whirlwind of strange and absurd activities and all kind of odd things start happening.

This anime is so daft that its stupidity clearly is founded in genius. We see most of the story from Kyons perspective and he has a dead black resigned and cynical way of relating to the world and Haruhis ideas.
There was a moment in the anime when, Koizumi, a rumoured esper says that the whole world is nothing but Haruhis dream, which means that when she is bored (or melancholic - hence the title) or having any sort of bad feelings, she unknowingly creates closed areas in which the laws of our world are not valid any more and which can threaten the existence of the whole world. Koizumi thinks that Haruhi herself is not aware that she creates her own world around her, like aliens, time travellers and espers (himself) appearing because it was Haruhis wish in the first place.
It is not really such a new idea, I am sure every kid who like me was waiting for a sign from Krypton or secret powers to finally unfold themselves (still waiting ...) has at one point encountered the concept, that what we perceive as reality is actually NOT reality but something else ... like the dream of someone, who would then probably appear as a kind of god in that world. What was new to me was thinking that it could be your own world, no excuse me - my world and that I myself could be the dreamer. (Maybe I'm just naturally humble that this possibility never came upon me before - na, just kidding, probably I had this thought before and just forgot about it. Have you noticed btw that I really like to write in brackets?)
So imagine: I am the only real person here (Yes, this sounds about right!!!). And the world as you know it is nothing but my dream. Plus therefore of course YOU are my dream. I made you up. How do you feel about that? I actually think it could be flattering not to exist because of that one sperm hitting the one egg, but because someone actually bothered to come up with your whole concept. And every time you make a stupid mistake you can lay the blame on me.
The whole idea has one major flaw: If I am currently sleeping and this whole world is my dream ... I must be a mentally disturbed person to think up Auschwitz, Saddam Hussein and plateau shoes. I'm clearly having a nightmare here, so could some one please wake me up?!

Apocalypse Now!

I'm a mother of three children, all of them in kindergarden. I used to think of myself as a calm, reflected person with an unshakeable patience. These days are gone forever though. In my pre-children life I did not even know I had it in me to scream or to lose it completely. Now I have developed into a part-time general and if your country ever needs someone to organize a small invasion - just give me a call.
The last two days our kindergarden was closed because the teachers were on training. It's times like that that makes you realize that they should be all be walking around with their chest decorated with medals for public service and peace keeping. Tomorrow kindergarten will re-open and I will be waiting at its gate at point 8.00 a.m. with all my three unruly heirs in tow. I can't wait.

Don't take me wrong, it's fun having children and I wouldn't want to miss any of my three brats. All the same they have a knack for settling me with a high blood pressure confliction. As when today my eldest daughter (5, left in the picture) decided she was made to be a hair dresser and cut her little sisters (3, right in the picture) hair. Poor Lucy, she never had any hair to spare in the first place and was so proud a few weeks ago with her first tiny thin little pigtail, which was so frail that it never really lasted long anyway!
Or when today the youngest thought it was a great game to empty a full box of pins into my (!) bed. (She is not daft, of course she doesn not empty them in her own bed.)
And I really thought it was the end of days, when I realized that my five-year old twins can now reach up into the sweety shelf if they stand on a stool. Our supply of chocölates, cookies and all other sweets have dwindled into dangerous all-time low levels. These are sometimes my only way of keeping them in line. I was so happy when they started to understand the if-then-system of cause and symptom. Like: "If you tidy your room, I'll give you a lollipop." or "If you keep arguing with each other, I'll withhold your daily portion of sweet things from you." No more, from now on it is survival of the fittest in our household.

Curiosity killed the cat

It was Eve who was tempted with the apple. Are all women curious? I myself definitely am. I have to try out every new yoghurt flavour that appears in the supermarkets. So maybe it is not that surprising that I just had to find out about yaoi and shounen ai mangas myself.
For all the people out there who don't know yet: I have said it before, there are all kinds of mangas out there. But surprisingly popular are mangas about male gay couples. Shonen Ai literally means boys love and that's exactly what the mangas are about. Usually a young teen couple discovering their first gay love. Yaoi are a bit more mature in their themes and in their target group and may also have some explicit content. The most curious thing about Shonen Ai and Yaoi are that they are primarily made by women for women. Yes, you have not misread this. It's a woman mangaka making up a story about two boys or men falling in love and it's a wide female audience these stories are meant for. I could not quite see the fascination, but as I said before, I am of a curious nature and I also don't like to condemn something without knowing more about it, so I went and tried it out. And I could not have been more surprised as I was when I realized that I found it appealing.

I can't help asking myself why that is so. I like love stories. So there is already one point. Because in the end, shonen ai and yaoi are still mostly about love. Then of course it should be mentioned that where in a conventional love story you have the girl and one (or possibly more) very good looking, or sweet, or cool or for-whatever-else-reason appealing hero. Well, do the maths - in the shounen ai and yaoi stories the number of yummy hunks is easily doubled. Also the story lines provide new ankles for every one who is fed up with the always same old warmed up dish: there is the fear to become gay, the embarrassment and problems of "coming out" and the scourn of society to just name a few. I found the art so far generally also better in average - or rather, I have not seen any shounen ai or yaoi mangas that had their popularity obviously based only on story lines and characters - so far the art has always been at least up to par. And to come to the point of sexual content, as with all mangas it really all depends on the mangaka and the story - even if it is yaoi it may be so mild that there is practically nothing, on the other side the next yaoi may ruin your appetite. I also sometimes really helps that there isn't a female heroine here - because let's be honest, there aren't many female manga characters that really do it for me. Most of them are weak, doormattish, boring and sickeningly good - there are few exceptions to that rule (like in Kimi wa petto - see my blog mistress and pet from last month). So overall having no female lead character really isn't a big loss.
I would not go so far as to say that shounen ai and yaoi mangas are my new obsession or that I would even generally love them, but they have proved an enjoyable side dish to my normal manga menu and I'll definitely keep trying out some more.